It made me so angry, I was seething, I could feel my jaw clench and my head about to explode.
Amongst my family I’m known for having a volcanic temper, I’m very aware of it myself, therefore I have spent years working on controlling it. First things first I had to recognise it happening and when it did I had to not try to justify it. You just can not justify bad behaviour.
Theres no doubt that people can push you till breaking point, if you’ve ever experienced living with narcissist’s then you may understand the frustration you can be left with. But besides someones behaviour that may have instigated your reaction, how you react is your choice and that is what people will judge on. I have long learnt that how people treat you is their problem and this says more about their character not yours. People can be mean, cruel or nasty, if we react to that we are colluding with them and have entered a game, not a nice game.
How to manage your anger
Recognise your anger
You’ll need to begin with recognising your anger, what makes you angry, what happens before you get angry, who does it affect when you get angry.
Thats my first rule, if your at a party and someone says something to really annoy you, the first advice I would give is to remove yourself. You may say ‘but why should that person think they’ve got away with it/treat me like an idiot/think they’ve got one on me’, I would say if you can have a come back that remains civil and diplomatic then great, but if you know your going to let rip get away pronto. Leaving them with the last words doesn’t make you stupid or weak, it’s quite likely to leave others with a bad taste and looking rude.
Stay away from any potential negativity
If your aware that going to a certain place is already making you feel uneasy, don’t go at all. If it’s a function you can not avoid, prepare yourself in advance. It’s easy to go to the event already fuelled with anger and ready to snap, a bit like “you had me at Hello” only not in a loving way.
I prep by telling a friend that I’ll be texting them from a party, or I play a game with my partner where we have to use key words throughout the party, this shifts the focus away from the negativity, whoever uses the key words in the most creative way without anyone knowing, wins.
Keep your mind busy
Sometimes theres just no escape, keep your mind busy with previous happy thoughts. Stay away from any stimulants before. Sometimes if I’ve felt stressed I’ll make a phone call to a friend, this calms me right down, text friends if you need to. I know it’s deemed as impolite to be on your phone but sometimes you have to bend the rules.
I’ve taken up breathing exercises/meditation. This has calmed me right down and allowed me to have some inhibitions. I don’t get so stressed and I find it easier to ignore silly remarks or laugh at them. If things do begin to get you wound up try your breathing exercises. Be aware of what is going on in your body or mind, recognise the signs, that way you’ll get better at foreseeing whats coming and preventing you from getting angry.
Please feel free to post your ideas or difficult situations you may have had?