When you look around you you’ll see people in what seems like happy marriages, they seem to have it all, the home, the holidays, the devoted husband, how do they do it?
A recent post I read about divorce made me think about commitment. Actually something I have been wanting to write about for a long time. https://ravisingh.blog/2018/02/02/say-good-bye-to-divorce-and-stop-jumping-from-one-fry-pan-to-another-fry-pan/
I’ve been with my partner for over 21 years, we’ve had our ups and our downs, somehow we made it this far. People say how well suited we are, but what people don’t know is the work we both put in to make it work.
There’s an ugly truth that no one shares, whether it be because of embarrassment or denial, I’ll never know. However, I do know one thing, that no relationship is plane sailing, every relationships needs work, effort, mindfulness. If you imagine that your best friend can upset you, hurt your feelings or annoy you, then you can imagine that someone you live with 24/7 will have the same affect on you for time to time.
The difference is to not take it to heart, you live with each other after all, do you really want to piss each other off to the extent of having to sleep with your eyes open…no, I didn’t think so!
The ugly truth
There has been days where I haven’t had much stimulation, so when my partner comes home I’m practically pushing the dogs out the way to be the first for some attention. I’ll ask how his day was and add “so what’s new?” To which he replies nothing. Really NOTHING? He’ll then finally say “oh did you hear…” so I’ll get all excited, ears prick up because I begin to think we’re going to have a invigorating conversation, then he says “the road has been cut off for road works”. We move to the sofa where he will secure the remote control almost surgically to himself, turn to a channel no one has any interest over while falling asleep with remote in hand. I go to bed early and the next day is more or less the same and lets not forget all other annoying traits, like leaving the gears in when he uses my car. Forgets to pay the window cleaner, or doesn’t want to discuss a matter so I end up talking to myself. I know I’m not alone yet when I pose for a couples photo I’m all teeth and smiles.
Whose to blame
I do feel that romantic movies set a high standard of ideals. As a teenager growing up my ideal of a perfect man was the movie called ‘say something’, where John Cusack holds a boom box also none as a stereo, to the window with a significant song blaring out the speakers. That was the kind of guy I wanted to find! Haha in reality I found a man that has no interest in music and doesn’t get subtle hints nor does tiny gestures.
Facebook is also another platform of false ideals, anyone can pose a happy picture, besides whatever is in the picture is translated differently to every individual, this my friend is projection, people only see what they recognise is missing in their own lives or what they imagine would be nice to have. Lets be real now, who would really pose with their true feelings for the friends to see.
It seems as though no one knows what a relationship should consist off, many people look around to try and match other ideals.
What helps build a happy marriage and I use the word build because it is a consistent ever evolving job. Both parties start of with the initial attraction, mine was how engaging he was when I spoke, how caring and kind natured he was. As we get older we see differences and in most cases we accept these differences as part of their character. Somehow and somewhere during the early years there becomes a power struggle, not necessarily between the partners, it could be family members or friends, then there’s lack of respect, reason and rationality. There seems to be more expectancies and equally less contribution.
Ultimately what one needs to remember are the reasons they were attracted to one another, how would life be without their partner in their life.
With every problem there is a stepping stone to the next level in your relationship, every tough argument or disagreement is also another stepping stone, it is possible to have arguments and disagreements providing that you never forgot to have respect for that person you are disagreeing with. For me RESPECT is key.
If you have respect you will think before you act, speak and do, you’ll grow old together, I’m not saying that I’ll be a straight laced wife, I will still drive him to a surprise destination (usually for a blood test to check his annual cholesterol), this trick works every time. I’ll still increase the speed on the treadmill his running on and collect up the money that falls out his pockets. and that’s life…my life anyway!