Being around people can be encapsulating, heart warming, a time when you feel loved and appreciated and very valued. I can say I have people in my life that make me feel special, they make me see the very best in myself, maybe more than what I believe in myself.
This love is usually enough to keep me feeling quite balanced, allowing me to let any negativity roll off my back.
It is important to have these people in your life as they are your support network, these people’s positive affirmations are what help you propel negativity from others which you will inevitably encounter at some point or another. For some people more often than not. I’m not going to deny I haven’t been in negative company before and it’s a real shit feeling. I found myself being quiet, not wanting to contribute to conversation, internalising all the toxic things they’ve said and leaving feeling rather somber.
I soon learned that this was not my baggage and decided from then on to not allow myself to be part of it. I also become aware that if this person can be negative about another person then she likely will be about me too.
There are different levels of negativity which I have come across, whether it’s directed at you, about someone else or just plain negative attitude, there’s one thing most certain, that it is about their own self esteem. Interestingly enough the very thing they are negative about is usually the very things they lack esteem on, or fear of being. People are threatened by what they don’t understand. How many times have you heard someone say “I would Never…” then you find out they did and they don’t seem so bothered by it anymore.
How many times have you heard a girl put another girl down. Saying she’s fat, ugly, cheap. This is known as projective identification, when the person talking bad is projecting what they don’t like back on the victim, an example would be they fear being unattractive, even though (in my opinion) I don’t think anyone can be ugly on the outside, just on the inside and this can be worked on. The issues have a deeper meaning.
The best way to deal with these comments is to say “that’s not very nice”, most times this makes them aware that you won’t entertain this topic and refrain from mentioning again.
Further more, negativity can be covert, and indirect which may equally be very draining. I call this toxic relationships, when someone is taking advantage of you, treating you unfairly, or seems to always attack you.
This behaviour can leave one feeling as though they’re disliked. The best way to manage this, is to separate which issues belong to you and which belong to the negative person.
Then ask yourself why you feel you identified these issues and how they made you feel, more than anything you’ll learn a little more about yourself, manage the issue and be able to see the other person with their flaws.
Ideally if you have a toxic relationship it would be best to end it, however, If these people are in your life and you cannot avoid them, the first thing to understand is that they are actually insecure and have not found ways to manage their issues.
These issues seem to arise a lot in families, especially around Christmas when everyone is together and the dynamics play out.
How to deal with these situations is :
•first thing-remember that they’re exposing their insecurities
•not everything warrants a response
•separate your personal issue with theirs and see it for what it is
•if you feel it’s getting to you, think about reinforcing all the positive aspects you have, the people that love you and appreciate you.
When people act in a mean way, it’s about them not you, I encourage you to not absorb the negative feeling or words they’re projecting. You wouldn’t drink out of a strangers cup would you? so why absorb the negativity? Equally if a stranger in the street was rude to you, would you not ignore them and think that they have issues? It’s true that many are fighting their own demons, as long as we have some moral compass of our own then we can separate what’s theirs and what’s ours.
When someone toxic makes you feel uncomfortable it’s best to remove yourself in a polite manner, breaking away means you can change up the vibe which may
prevent the negativity getting to you.
Do not own the toxic waste and you won’t be affected. We are made with more armour than we know.