We usually read articles teaching us to say No when we mean No, making your needs a priority. Though we never read why we should say No when we mean Yes.
How many times has someone who comes across laid back, easy going fallen into the pattern of doing what everyone has decided; gone to a party because they were tagging to a mate, said yes to chipping in for a present/contribution because they don’t want to seem tight or mean, given someone a lift because they were going that direction, but later realises that this person now expects these lifts when in fact you preferred to be alone or wanted to stop off on route but now feel obligated to not stop because now you have a passenger.
We could argue freedom of speech and that communication is vital to not get stuck in these situations but Let’s consider that you are the laid back person you feel ‘well how can I say No when all this time I’ve been OK with it’, its difficult to to suddenly say actually “No, not today” without offending the other person, this is where and When we ask ourselves ‘how did this happen/get out of control’, had I not been so laid back I would have foreseen this happening.
Sometimes we don’t want to say No because of benefits we’ll receive fro example; giving someone a lift en route in the car becomes a little company in the car, going to the party incase you have nowhere else to go-so it becomes a trade off, But how does the trading end without having a political stand off
An example is an experiment with my dog Bailey. Bailey is not allowed on my bed so he would wait till I fell deep asleep and then he would jump up and lay on the end of my bed near my feet, as I became aware of this I could not do much as I was too sleepy to tell him to get off, though I managed a few times to which the dog began to see that I was not consistent. Over time Bailey would jump on and began to sleep on my legs as he become braver he would jump up before I even fell asleep. By now he has realised he can sleep on my bed, on me and get away with it, though at times I would send him off other times I would feel comforted by him and leave him be-so right there began a trade off Bailey has done business and I can’t get rid of him unless I wake up every night to get him off.
So even a dog knows a No meaning a Yes is a door to opportunities, trade off, a deal that is not easily reversible and the truth is I was the one that set the rules not him. Saying No when you mean Yes is setting strong boundaries that no one can cross unless you loosen the boundaries.
*Bailey now has firm position on the bed….but I like it
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